Monday, May 25, 2009

I Miss You: The Casualties of Marriage

I hope everyone is having a nice cookout today. Memorial day, the non-official first day of summer is upon us. It is nice, I think, to celebrate the lost lives of veterans with the onset of a well earned summer and the glee it brings many people. As I posted about War and the losses it incurs two posts ago, I thought I would focus this post on memory and loss of another kind.

I am happy to report that I have a wonderful life. My marriage is strong, my children are happy and healthy, my home is swell, and my jobs are secure. I live by the sea. It's all good.

But it took a war to get here. I went to war at eighteen and I didn't get to begin to enjoy the spoils until I was thirty. That was twelve years of war. A long fight. And even though I won, the war took its toll in many ways.

I miss you, my friends. I miss the long talks on the phone and the movies watched while we twirled each others glossy, young hair in manicured fingers. I miss the dramatic, middle of the night rescues and the cathartic cries. I miss the compliments only good friends can deliver, and the critiscism too. I miss laying on my bed, three or four girls deep, laughing and talking about pretty, pretty things. I miss the love you all lavished on my baby. I remember you.

I miss you mom. I miss the quiet calm of your love. I miss walking with you late at night as you tried to tell me the darkness was a velvet blanket and not something to fear. I miss adventurous drives to nowhere in particular. I miss laying on the couch and watching black and white movies on PBS and not answering the phone. I miss our life. I remember you.

I miss you me. I miss the long baths and the long walks and the yoga and the days spent in bed reading an entire book in one sitting. I remember you.

I miss you mess. I miss the chaos of my things laying everywhere around me. I miss piles of clothes and stacks of books. I miss papers and pencils and flowers gone dead and dry and pretty again in vases that I was too lazy to empty out. I remember you.

And though I wouldn't take back any sacrifice I made for the life I now have, I need to remember what was lost. That is the most important thing. Because without paying homage to what was lost, we can never appreciate the value of what we gain.


  1. Excellent line: "Because without paying homage to what was lost, we can never appreciate the value of what we gain."

    ~ Wendy

  2. Thank you Wendy! I just perused your blog and was taken by the similar path we are taking. My Women's fiction is also out on sub right now and my family is the number one priority or I would lose my mind. Welcome. Thanks for posting.