Friday, June 26, 2009

Where are we going?

It is scary for some people, the idea of change. Not for me. When I was little my mother moved the furniture around a lot. She moved it on a whim, on an idea torn from a home and garden magazine, or sometimes to "change the air" if something bad had happened.

I loved those nights. Moving the furniture, finding lost treasures hidden under the couch. The lamps giving off a strange glow as they waited for their shades to be put back on. Most times I would fall asleep on an errant couch, only to wake up in the morning to a whole new room. A whole new beginning.

I miss that. Here, where I live, in my own life, things stay put. My husband is not a fan of change. It takes him time to get used to good things, let alone bad things. Chaos is a fear of his. I revel in it. This is what happens in life, we strike a balance and opposites do, in fact attract.

And think about how hard it is to plead a case for chaos and instability? These are not winnable arguments. So I live this way, and try to make chaos of my car, or bedside, or underneath my vanity sink.

Lately I have thought about how becoming agented or published even, (Ack) would change my life. For the better! But what about his? My dreams are not his dreams. His dreams are home and family and job and security. We have a bunch of that. My quest for something more begins to threaten the balance of his world. Let me put it a different way, I am beginning to move the furniture.

And I hope that in the end, when he wakes up, he will find the world we live in a beautiful, if changed, place. I hope he will see that not all change is scary, that some is necessary. I need him to recognize that we changed a lot to get to where we are... it just took longer, and was less visible.

I am walking happily into the unknown. He is standing behind me. Let's see if he can follow me into the mist.

The truth is, I will come back to get him, once I have everything on the other side in order... but wouldn't it be funner if he came along for the ride?

*please note that I know funner is not a word. I just happen to believe it should be. Oh merciful gods of word chaos just leave me alone.

9 comments:

  1. Suzanne, I didn't know you twittered! I don't see a link in your side bar. If you're open to new followers, click on mine and I'll follow you.

    And yes, I agree, the changes a writing career (or any new career) brings are an adjustment for our families. But I think if we support our husbands in their careers and adventures, then they'll (hopefully!) be open to supporting us in ours!

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  2. I am so lucky, mine supports me. He walks around the dustpile, ironing and papers. It did take him a while, he said he was scared of my growth. I was 17 when we met, he eventually realised I could grow (move the furniture), and still be his wife and the mother of our children. That I was still his. Yours will be ok, he fears your growth, that you won't need him anymore. Once he realises your world is as safe as his, he will curl upon your sofa. :)

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  3. This may come out a bit self-helpy (and, yes, I know that isn't a word either) but he fell in love with you, and you are someone who must write. It is evident in every word you put on this blog, so trust in that.
    On another note, I love the photos you put up, the atmosphere you create. To me, that mist looks inviting, full of mystery and wonder.

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  4. Here's hoping he will be able to cope with everything. I'm sure he will, and your furniture rearranging will be worthwhile.

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  5. Since I am married to Bill's real soul mate (ha ha!), I suggest we get a two family house. You and I could live in one half in our fabulous disasters and you could type type type away. And they could live in the neat orderly half - WITH THE CHILDREN! And we could visit whenever we wanted. And the husbands would be so busy talking sports and playing video games and policing whiny kids, they wouldn't have time to notice all the change :)
    I guess this is just as plausible as my previous idea of putting more hours in the day or eliminating the need for sleep, huh?

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  6. I'm glad you've already decided you'll go back into the mists. Because even if you never need to do it, at least you and he will know that you would. =]

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  7. Not a fan of change, but entropy tends to be a bit inevitable with the kidlets running loose. :D

    :o Funner isn't a word?

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  8. My mom was and still is a furniture moving freak! ;) I know what you mean though, this blog post hits too close to home. Maybe it's the fear of change or losing us to something else that scares them in to their roles as the non-supporter. Change is frightening but self discovery is such a wonderful thing. I wish our significant others would come along for the ride!

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  9. I used to think I was scared of change, but the more I look at my life in the past and even now, I see that I revel in it as well. It is a bit scary, but it's worth it!

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