I had a dream last night. A dark dream. Mostly I take issue with the term dream being used for those curious night adventures. A dream should only be used in the purest sense. A hearts desire, a wish. Sleep dreaming, for me at least, has never involved niceties or reverie. My dreams are harsh, technicolor, wandering things. The stringing together of insecurity and anxiety like spit strands after you throw up. Intricate and complex they always set inside my mind an uneasiness that can last for days.
I don't dream of falling. (how is that a dream?)
I don't dream of flying. (but I wish I could, because that seems dreamy!)
I don't dream of sex. (No laughing. I just don't. Freud would have been bored. Ah me...)
I don't dream of running in a field of flowers. (Do only dogs dream those kinds of dreams?)
I dream of driving out of control cars.
I dream of someone telling me one of my children is gone. (lost, dead, etc...)
I dream of irreparable arguments with my husband.
I dream of angels who sit by my bed and unfurl their VERY bird like wings and show me their teeth and talons too.
I dream of burning.
I dream I am lost.
And then last night, I dreamt I took a walk with my littlest girl, Grace.
It was a very long dream. We were walking in my city here at night. We were by the hospitals, not a good place to be. A lot of terrible things happen in that general area. I've always thought it fortunate that doctors were close by.
Anyway, she wouldn't hold my hand, that naughty girl. She was trying to turn her shirt around, her arms lost amidst flapping empty sleeves.
It was getting later and I knew we needed to turn around, that staying on the busy street was important (safety in numbers) and I'd somehow overshot our destination (whatever that was).
But even as my sleeping mind SCREAMED at my dreaming self "Don't go down that side street, don't....just back track on the busy road. Okay?) My dreaming self walked down the side street with her toddler close and the silence was so loud. Terrible things were going to happen. It was gray and damp.
And then, as long as it took to dream myself lost, it only took a moment to wake up.
And even though I was relieved, I am left wondering. What was going to happen? Could it have been the good dream I've been waiting for? Was there something bright and golden around the corner? Why couldn't Gracie find her arms?
I'll never know....
What about you? Any (g and pg only please!) sleep dreams you want to share? Any you don't understand?