Sunday, October 25, 2009

Three Flowers

Back to basics after all the fuss I wander through my life and find it unchanged by my absence. I've been here and gone at the same time for so long. I don't know where the pieces are, where the doll was left, or where the mismatched socks go.

I rush in and out like a traveler. A moment of mommy, a waft of wife.

I used to know the silent corners. The dusty houseplant leaves. The spices running low. I used to know.

Absence has it's usefulness. I've always been more comfortable invisible. I wish I could take magazines and cut out all the letters and paste them to my body. Mummify myself with stolen, glossy, type. The word FLOWER sealing my mouth shut. An X on each eye.

"Mommy where's my drink?"
i don't know (i can't speak. i'm pasted)
"Mommy do we need to take a bath?"
i shrug
"Mommy?"
is she here?

Oh, my three flowers. Let me be for five more minutes. Let me type these words. I promise I'll water you.....2,000 words from now.

25 comments:

  1. The need for those extra moments! The loved one's voices tapping away in our outer world, when all we want is a few more minutes in our fantasy one.
    Lovely post.

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  2. "I've been here and gone at the same time for so long." Yup.

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  3. I think the fairies stole you long ago and made you theirs. Your words transport me to otherworldly realms. Love the new fairy-level flowers, too.

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  4. Love that image of being wrapped up in letters and words. The spices running low is a perfect example. Hoping you get both time to finish your words and cultivate your garden.

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  5. I think you have to be absent to some extent to get those 2000 words.
    LOL at the "i can't speak. i'm pasted" bit- i often felt like that!

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  6. There will always be 2k more words to write.

    but, I only have two or three more summers with my daughter. Then she's gone.

    that concept has been weighing on me a lot lately and I am struggling w/ the balance of it all. Let me know if you find a solution, will you???

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  7. Oh, but when everyone has left the nest, you'll yearn to rewind and there's no remote.

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  8. Today, I baked two loaves of bread. I made a pork loin with wine reduction and acorn squash. I baked apples with raisins and butter and lemon.

    I carved pumpkins. We all laughed and I even got 2,000 words written. And then I get back online to all these nice words! Thanks guys. I'm trying to find the balance. Trying to find the balance... ??

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  9. Love it! I once wore a sign around my neck for a few days when kids were young -- "MY NAME IS DADDY." I knew none of them would call his name and I got a bit more peace for a while. :)

    Lovely post.

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  10. Just dropping in again to say thanks for your lovely words over at mine. As I re-read your (this) post, funny thought came to me..maybe those parents were pasted!
    Anyway, I appreciated your comment.

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  11. Your gift for making words give life to the emotions of experience is exceptional. Thank you for the poignant memories...

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  12. This is lovely. Your writing is really beautiful and I love the imagery of being wrapped in words and trying to hold on to them for just a little longer.

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  13. You are giving your children a wonderful gift. Learning how to take care of one's own needs and others'. I screwed up royally when my son was little. And I wasn't writing then. Just lost. You're right, balance is the key. And oh, I am so grateful I found your blog. Your writing touches my soul.
    Karen

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  14. Priceless. I simply love your writing. You inspire me. :)

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  15. This is beautiful! I love how your words reach out and wrap themselves around me. Thanks for sharing your talent. :D

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  16. Every monday I'm learning how not to be in a total state of panic - reminding myself of what's important, and remembering that being absent in moderation is forgivable, and a wonderful, necessary way to show my daughters that our only choices in life aren't limited to being someone else's definition of "perfect" and martyr-like. (I'm doing NaNoWriMo too - could explain this am's panic :)

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  17. We all have those delinquent moments. Love your new picture! :O)

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  18. suzanne I sooooo LOVE this. "A moment of Mommy. A waft of a wife." Gosh that is how I feel. AND to top it off I often feel so bad about it. My husband is very understanding and supportive of my writing, after all, when Mommy gets to write Mommy is very happy. And if Mommy don't get to write... well... let's just say it is better for all when Mommy gets to write. But sometimes my toddler does not appreciate how important his nap times are to me. You MUST sleep baby. Or at least be very quite for, say, at least an hour. I will be a much better Mommy when you wake up LATER. :)

    Matt once said to me (when I was giving myself a guilt trip) that he likes the fact that our boys get to see me pursuing my dreams. He said that he loves the fact that they see me in the office doing what is important to me cause it sets a great example of what is needed to pursue dreams. I love that man! :)

    Oh, and I am STILL waiting in the darn book. I thought it would be here yesterday. so hopefully it will arrive today and then I can rewrite my work accordingly. :)

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  19. LOVE your new picture! You look amazing. One day I wont look like such a flower, I promise ;)

    Your post hit home with me. Honestly, if only Apple or Amazon would invent a clone, I would purchase one immediately. Of course she would write and I would play. (or maybe we could alternate ;)

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  20. I love your beautiful post! Especially the glossy mommy part, hiding under words. So picturesque. You got one tough job being Mommy and Great Writer. Hopefully Great Husband will take over even for 500 words!

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  21. Oh me too! A couple of hours later. . . :)

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  22. I enjoyed this. Your imagery is very imaginative and creative. They dance on the page. Yes ME time is very important especially when the words need to be purged. Keep writing!

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