Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Marching Orders

dawn Pictures, Images and Photos

Wake in the blue. The pink will stretch across the sky while you stir your coffee. I know the spoon doesn't sound the same against this other cup. Chin up. Your favorite mug will make it out of the car soon.

Get those lovelies ready for their day. No yelling. The yelling is inside your head, at the tip of your tongue. Bite it. Your present is not their fault.

Drive into the gold. Put on your sunglasses. The glare is too bright. The sea smiles at you. Why is the ocean a morning person? Remember you are lucky to live here. Remember the salt air heals people. Remember that whole novels have been written about a journey to one coast or another and you're already here. You. Are. Here. X marks the spot. Oh no, wait. That's not an X, just a middle age acne scar.

Drop lovelies off at school. Say something important. Make those words of yours matter. Be funny and interesting. You say..."Have a good day, your awesomeness!" and they skip into their own lives leaving you in your filthy car. Why is it so impossible for you to clean it out? Every other place in your life is so clean. But this crap hole... you could catch something in here. Clean it won't you? You have to find your coffee cup.

Get on the highway. Sun high in the sky high way. Didn't you wake in the blue? Is it still still there where you woke up and left them sleeping? Those other two wrapped around one another. Will they stay asleep in the blue all day until night when you come home? That would be nice. Big he and little she waiting for you to crawl back into the covers.

Don't cry. It's just a job. A job with a desk and a lamp. A job most would covet. Don't cry. Who do you think you are anyway? Spend your entire day trying not to be her. You won't do that. You won't parse your life out like a martyr and woe yourself into a size twelve. Remember that you are healthy. You have love. You give love. You can get water from a water cooler when you want it. Remember that you have money in the bank and a home and a car and a future you never could have dreamed up for yourself. Remember you thought you would be dead at twenty six. Try not to wonder if that would have been better.

Go teach your class. Be brilliant and irreverent and try to believe half of what you say.

Return to desk. Don't answer phone. Not your personal line. That's just a baby who is asking for the umpteenth time "When are you coming home?" If you DO answer it, say "Soon..." and then try to figure out why, when all your work is done, you are saying "soon" instead of "NOW."

Drive home. Into the western gold. Put on you sunglasses. Listen to the news. Sit in the traffic that makes a twelve minute drive an hour.

Run inside to the blue. It's been waiting for you. Wrap up and eat healthy and listen to the jabberings of days. Watch for the light in their eyes. Is it there? Good. You did it. One more day of magic.

Tuck them in. Tell them stories. Weave their past.

Creep away, into the black. Find the laptop. Click clack, click clack.... this is your time.

Find the bed. Go to sleep. Wake in the blue.


*Really hard contest to judge! Look for winner posted later.*

21 comments:

  1. You capture motherhood so beautifully. I love this: "Watch for the light in their eyes. Is it there? Good. You did it. One more day of magic."

    And I just remembered that we met you through your last first line, last line contest!!! Brings tears to my eyes. Can't wait to read the winning entries.

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  2. That was a day of one million hours! ;)

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  3. I love this post. Made me tear up a bit. This is an internal conversation I have soooo many mornings...but I like your voice better. My inner voice just tells me to "suck it up." Or, "remember your ancestors....coffin ships to America.....surely you can do THIS for another day...."

    Love this post.


    Shelley

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  4. This post is beautiful and poignant, just like motherhood - you captured it perfectly.

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  5. You are so awesome! I love your posts! Thanks for the reminder of what's important. :)

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  6. Great post. I think all of us mothers feel the same way.

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  7. This one grabbed my heart and wouldn't let go. It is simply exquisite. Thank you.
    karen

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  8. I've said it before, but I love your writing. How beautiful!

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  9. I wish I could be in your class.

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  10. I've never seen second person done so well-this is poetic! Nicely done!

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  11. As I sit at my work desk in my office doing the job that not many would covet sipping coffee out of that mug that gets lost in the car hoping that my lovlies are having a great day I thank you for reminding me that life is good.

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  12. Suzanne, your talent amazes me!!!

    And I met you during the last first line last line contest too!

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  13. It's been a while since I experienced this kind of day, trying to make it thru a day and make sure all the balls I was juggling were still in the air and all my charges were ok (gosh, that's such a huge responsibility, making sure they're ok no matter what our state of mind is). Now I'm watching my daughter go thru the same thing (and her car is going to be condemned one day!). It's the cycle of life whether you're a mother or not, whether you have to go to work or not. Get thru the day, get thru the day, put one foot in front of the other, and come back to your comfort zone, your space, your loved ones, at the end of the day, and hopefully to a few minutes for yourself. Lovely, lovely post, and so expressive of a day in the life.

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  14. Again, beautiful. A life lived in your shoes. This is priceless. I glad you wake up in the blue. I'm glad you live on the X. I'm glad the gleam of magic resides in their eyes.
    I'm glad to know you.

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  15. Beautiful. You summed it up perfectly. =) And yes, I also think all mothers feel this way. =)

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  16. This is incredible, Suzanne. (Should I call you Suzy? Or Miss Awesome? ;)
    Thanks for sharing your words! I love love love reading them.

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  17. "Weave their past." Absolutely brilliant.

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  18. Your prose on this was hypnotic and beautiful.

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  19. Suzanne, your writing rocks! As always I am loving your words :)

    I wake before the blue. Boxing gyms wait for no woman!

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