Thursday, December 3, 2009

The literary agent song

Okay. I'm NO songwriter... but I've always liked to play around with lyrics. I switch words up in songs all the time (makes my kids crazy...."twinkle twinkle little bat...")

I'm a lurker on many agent blogs, and recently there was a big bruhaaahaaaa over at Rachelle Gardener's blog about responses to queries that grew into a bit of a mess in the comment section.

Now, don't get me wrong... I've been in the query wars too. And I know I've been lucky in terms of attention. But I had a strong reaction to the complaints. As a writer I think we need to band together, agents and writers... because what we writers forget is that agents are going to go through the very same thing with our work FOR US once they sign us. So the frustrations are exactly the same. Come on people, it's like we're eating our own!

So! I decided I would write a song to help boost the literary agent's spirits.

Sing to the tune of Gloria Gaynor's "I will Survive"

At first I figured it would be a simple game
Thinking I could write a novel and gain world acclaim
and I knew that I could fail
and I thought perhaps I'd cry
But I would try....
and I let that first draft FLY

I didn't know
I needed you
I knew nothing of what literary agents do
But I caught on pretty quick
And I read all I could buy
And now I'm proud
As I hold my query high!

I know it's hard
To read them all
But you found me
(And though I haven't had the call)
I am sure it's coming soon 'cause my story's gonna sell

How can I tell?
Because I watched the market well!

So thank you now
Before we meet
Because without you
My novel's cold out on the street

And I appreciate the time
And the feedback when you can...
I understand
(And I'll make changes on demand)

Sooooooooooo Here's to YOU!
A cup of Cheer!
I'm sure you need one
At this stressful time of year
And with many writers moaning
And an industry that's groaning
Here's to you----
Here's to you-----

Here's. Tooooo. You..........!

La la la la la laaaaa la la la la la la lalalalalaaaaaa la la lalala la lalalalalalalalalal la!

*note. For all you pessimists out there who think I'm pandering. Pshaw! Why... I would nevah!*


  1. AWESOME! Hahahahahaha! Still wiping the tears away. And you don't think you're funny....

  2. LOVE this! (And now I'm going to have this song in my head for the entire day!)

  3. Thanks! Needed this.

    For some reason I've never been able to get the hand of Thursdays. ;)

  4. Oh that is just too awesome LOL A wonderful ode to agents - so true and just hilarious :D Two huge thumbs up!!!

  5. Love this! And love your new flowers =)

  6. Hey! You're pretty good at that!

    Literary agents are beyond me. I'm in awe of people who have them. It's like having your own attorney or something...


  7. Just think, you could be the Weird Al of the literary world.

    Glad you finally spiced up the scenery here--ha! XOXO

  8. Excellent!!! Now, if we could only hear you sing it!

  9. Hilarious! When you're out on submission someday remind us to share a song we wrote to the tune of I'm Holding Out for a Hero.

  10. very creative! May it be a best seller! :)

  11. LOVE IT! You are so a songwriter. I mean...can I take this to that A&R guy I know? We could make you the next Britney...I mean, er, Writeney.

    When (not if) you do get The Call, remind me to Suzify that song called "The Call" by the Backstreet Boys. Hopefully, it will make the cut on your record too.

  12. Laughed out loud FOR REAL! You are a funny girl--I think you should get an agent based on this awesomeness alone.

  13. This is so true! Agents WANT to work with writers! Great song, Suzanne!

  14. Too funny, I love it! And by the way I loved your tribute to your friend in the previous post. You have a wonderful way with words.

  15. You're simply divine, friend. *hugs*

  16. That is beyond fabulous - oh, my gosh, I love it! ;-)

  17. Standing ovation! Awesome song. *sigh* Very Sweet.

  18. Oh Suzanne LOL!!! Girl, you had me singin out loud! LOVE THIS> Hey I do that too with lyrics. My kids are always saying, "Mummy sing the proper words!." HEE HEE! :)

  19. Lovely, how it fits the situation and the rhythm.

  20. Fabulous! Awesome! Bravo!!! I do some of these lyric switcheroos occasionally too. But this one can't be beat!!!

  21. You are all kinds of awesome. Watch out, Weird Al, there's a new powerhouse of parody songs in town!

  22. HI Suzanne,
    I left a comment yesterday but it didn't show up. I just love this. You are very funny. If I were an agent, I'd grab you up in a second.

  23. Suzy, I am back to point out something out. Do you see all the comments that say, "Omg, you're so funny!" And now do you remember a certain post where you said "Omg, I'm not funny!" And do you remember a certain comment where I said, "Omg, you so are!"

    Look, all I'm saying is that when you're on Chelsea Lately or whatever, I totally deserve to be your Chuey. (Or your Paul, if you go the Letterman route.) Just sayin'. ;P

  24. So fun, I think you have a song to sell:)


  25. Super funny. :) And I agree--we're all on the same team.

  26. Awesome lyric change-up. The agents really do deserve our respect. If I'm ever lucky enough to get one I'll probably kiss the ground she walks on and hope she does the same for me.