Sunday, December 6, 2009

Want to hold my hand?

holding hands Pictures, Images and Photos

It was so simple. Most right things are. The key to my secret peace.

I was a tight fist of lonesome and tyrant of rage. A small little girl with tangled hair and balled up hands. I can remember my fingernails cutting my palms. The nail biting habit fixed that.

And every, single, time I started to relax... something would happen to make me turn around again. Shut the door. Shut my eyes. Squeeze my fingers blue.

In grammar school the church and steeple game made me feel more exposed than dodge ball.

In high school boys thought me cold 'cause I would kiss but not cuddle. No hand holding.

"I keep my hands to myself... do what you want with yours."

And then you came. After a swell of chaos. In a blizzard when I was too young and everyone was mad. You were mad too. A mad little newborn with balled up fists. You shook them at me and cried your own blues. But.... when you fell asleep in my arms, your baby body softened and your tiny fingers loosened and then you were all lazy fuzz and graceful fingernails. I stroked them and admired you.

In the parking lot. You were what? Two? Yes... and you reached up and grabbed my hand. Our palms met. A perfect fit. A rush of knowing. A startled peace.

I opened up my hand for you because you asked me to. And then I practiced harder, and opened up my hand for him.

Hands and hearts. It's so simple, really.

28 comments:

  1. Beautiful and poetic as always. ;)

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  2. how beautiful, Suzanne. I love the way all of your writing feels like an epiphany :)

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  3. Beautiful, beautiful! May be my favorite post of yours yet!

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  4. That is very lovely. Needs no elaboration at all.

    Secretia

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  5. It's amazing how that little hand can open up your heart. It's strange how wild and free and unrestrained Love becomes when your little one reaches up for you. All that I cannot hold back, all that I will not give in--it's free and whole for them.

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  6. It is simple, but the simplest things are the ones that sometimes trip us up. Beautiful thoughts today. A good reminder to open up our hearts and hands .. to relax into the love that surrounds us.

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  7. This is stunning and poignant. Thank you.

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  8. Very sweet - brought on the tears.

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  9. I'm stunned again. Thinking and feeling so many things thanks to your words.

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  10. How our children open us up...

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  11. Holding hands :) This was gorgeous.

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  12. Suzy, I love that! How beautiful.

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  13. Not often I am speechless, but you did it.
    Beautiful and touching.

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  14. Catching up on your blog> loved the song in a previous post.

    This post moved me, so simple but powerful emotions.

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  15. That is absolutely beautiful. I am crying, inside. So many memories. You helped me remember exactly what that felt like!

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  16. Love that last line. "Hands and hearts. It's so simple, really."
    MAGIC! Poetry in prose. Just beautiful Suzanne.

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  17. I love the way all of your writing feels like an epiphany :)

    Work from home India

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