Tuesday, June 1, 2010


He was a good guy, and I loved him the way you love someone when you're broken. I loved him into pieces.

We didn't have any money, so we went to the Art Galleries and made out in the elevators. I remember I could feel his hands all over me even when they weren't.

His apartment was far away and dingy. One night there was a storm, and I was always so afraid of storms. I wanted to go home, only I didn't have one. I cried into him about how lost I felt.

There was a little porch off the second floor and he wrapped a blanket around me and took me there to watch the storm. To listen to the lightning and count how many miles away it was by timing out the thunder.

"See, you're fine!" he announced when it was over. Only I wasn't fine for a long time.

We broke up because that's what scared people do when they get too close to happy. He moved away, but came back when a mutual friend told him I was knocked up and unmarried.

He came and asked me to marry him, to come away with him to Indiana. He said "You'll be fine!"

I turned down his proposal, because terrified people don't know how to speak properly.

But late at night, from then all the way to now, and especially when it thunders, I think of him and thank him for the quiet haven he gave me. Because I wasn't fine then, but I sure am now.


  1. Suze, just heard your news! Congrats!

    Love today's offering. I haven't felt such conflicting emotions over someone else's writing in some time. Thanks again. You always know how to tug on my heartstrings.

  2. You did it again. Knocked the knees clear out from under me.

  3. "I broke up with him because that's what scared people do when they get too close to happy." I love that you came to happy. I love that you haven't forgotten scared. I love that you can put words so delicately around such confusing life experiences. I love that I understand your journey.

  4. There are those people from other times whose memories have to rise, even so many years after the fact. You have described it just right.

    I'm glad you made it to happy too.

  5. I wish I could write like you.

  6. You blow me away! "I could feel his hands all over me even when they weren't."

  7. Oh my gosh you had me at 'making out in elevators'. I love your voice!

  8. Wow...goosebumps are all up and down my arms. Excellent Suzy.

  9. I adore this post! Wow! It gave me chills and inspired me.

  10. It feels good to thank people publicly, even if they never get to read it.

    Nicely done.

  11. You never cease to amaze me. Congratulations on your representation--so very deserved!